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2,252 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket
lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said
18 or over".

Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talking to
an envelope for?"
"I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod",

Brought some "rocket salad" yesterday but it
went off before I could eat it!.

Local police are hunting the "knitting needle
nutter" who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours,
they believe the attacker could be following some kind of

The wife was counting all the 1 pence and 2 pence
coins out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and
started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself,
"She's going through the change

When I was in the pub, I heard a couple of dickheads
saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the
pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist twits! I
mean, its not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

A teddy bear is working on a building
site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick
has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the
foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I
forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick
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