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<table><t><tr valign="top"><td>THE
5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN
KISS?
A:
It's the
same as a French kiss, but
'downunder
.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED
CONDOMS?
A:
Melt them
down, make a tire, and call it a
Goodyear.


Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY
NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A:
Because
when they come, they're wild and wet, and when
they go, they take your house and car with
them.


Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES
WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to
scratch...


BONUS QUESTIONS
& ANSWERS

Q: What is a man's Ultimate
embarrassment?
A:
Running
into a wall with an erection and breaking his
nose
.


<wbr>
</td></tr></t></table>
Nominated as the world's best short
joke


A 3-year-old boy examined his
testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked,
'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

<div style="margin-bottom: 24pt;"><div ="yiv1991266567Msonormal">An American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when henoticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with
a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down.
Back at base he
got a right bollocking. Apparently they were Allied Carpets.
..... .. . . . . . . . . . ..

I was driving to work this morning when I saw an R.A.C van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown?.
. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying English speaking Doctor.
I thought, What a good idea, why dont we have them in our country.?

. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..




The police came to my door last night
holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer.
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15. Called down to the wife and got no answer.
Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor... Dead!
At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes...
Then a moment of pure inspiration... McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Two women were talking.. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why
angry?"
Because he was watching through the window.
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa...
Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake!
. . . .. . . . . . . . .

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on
an hourly basis!
. . . . . . . . . . . . .

My
daughter just walked into the living room and said, "Dad cancel my
allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window,
take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewellery to the charity shop. Sell my
car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".
Well, she didn't exactly put it like that. Actually what she said was, "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."

Got to love this, what a bloody good
idea! The Israelis are developing an airport security device that
eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.
It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will
detonate any explosive device you may have on your person. Israel sees
this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about
racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and
expensive trials. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled
explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: "Attention to all
standby passengers, we now have a seat available on flight 670 to London
. Shalom!" BRILLIANT

<div ="yiv579872438ecxWordSection1"><div ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">A caring husband writes:

<div ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">


<div ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">



<div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

<div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

<div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">Being the nice guy I am, I thought, "Screw it, I'll treat her."
<div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">So we walked past it again.<div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal"><div style=": white;" ="yiv579872438ecxMsonormal">
 
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