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I've ordered a Chicken & Egg from Amazon.

Will see which comes 1st
More importantly which will come in the biggest box? Probably the egg with reams of brown paper around it.
 

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An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no "afterlife" at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?
"Is that you, Frank?
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed.
"That's wonderful! What's it like?

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper,it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?


"No — I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."
 

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A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark glasses.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for £44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says. As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get £58.50?"

"Yes £44 for the rod and reel plus the Duck Caller is £11, and the Fish Bait is £3.50."
 

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On order (17th Feb): 2022 Sportage GT-Line S HEV in Penta Grey with black roof.
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Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing l'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.



Husband is now heading for A&E!
 

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On order (17th Feb): 2022 Sportage GT-Line S HEV in Penta Grey with black roof.
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Two guys were chatting in the pub, and one guy says “I think I’m going to divorce my wife, she hasn’t spoken to me in 2 months”.
The other guy says “are you sure, women like that are hard to find?”
 

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Looks like Wales were hoping for Rodeo Riding to be included in the Commonwealth Games……..

View attachment 16850
Now Aerofly, you have misunderstood the whole thing.

When us Welsh 'ride' a sheep, we don't mean actually riding it per-say ....easy mistake for an Englishman! 🐑🚶‍♂️
 

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A soldier was stationed overseas and received a Dear John letter from his girlfriend back home.
It read:
Dear Tom, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice since you've been gone and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc.
In addition to the picture of Kim, Tom included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected.
There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read:
Dear Kim, I'm so sorry, but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to me.
Take care, Tom.
 
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