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Am I alone? Was she the last to know???
Jokes
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Am I alone? Was she the last to know???
An old bloke is driving home when the car phone rings, it's his wife on the phone and she says "Herb, if you're on the Tullamarine Freeway I've just heard on the radio that some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the road and causing mayhem, so be careful."
"I will", he says, "but there isn't just one idiot, there are hundreds of them!"
"I will", he says, "but there isn't just one idiot, there are hundreds of them!"
A yuppie crashes his BMW off the road into a ditch. A passer-by pulls over to assist, and sees the driver stagger out of the wreck with his left arm severed at the elbow.
"My beemer, my beemer", wails the yuppie, staring at his wrecked car.
"Never mind your car, what about your arm?!?", exclaimed the passer-by.
The yuppie looked down at his arm, and started wailing, "My rolex, my rolex..."
"My beemer, my beemer", wails the yuppie, staring at his wrecked car.
"Never mind your car, what about your arm?!?", exclaimed the passer-by.
The yuppie looked down at his arm, and started wailing, "My rolex, my rolex..."
On order (17th Feb): 2022 Sportage GT-Line S HEV in Penta Grey with black roof.
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202 Posts
A young kid is walking home from school when a car pulls up alongside him...
The driver says "get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £10”.
The kid says "No way!" and keeps walking.
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £50”.
The kid says "No way, sweets and £50 won't do it."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £100”.
The kid says………….
"Look Dad, you bought the Volvo, YOU deal with it."
The driver says "get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £10”.
The kid says "No way!" and keeps walking.
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £50”.
The kid says "No way, sweets and £50 won't do it."
The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you sweets and £100”.
The kid says………….
"Look Dad, you bought the Volvo, YOU deal with it."
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844 Posts
There's been a lot of talk about aliens coming to Earth. Why would they bother? Look on the reviews and we've only got 1 star.
Conception - the fathers explanation;
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers,
“Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!'”
Conception - the mothers explanation;
A little girl asked her mother, "Mummy, how was I born?"
Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we had sex without protection.”
A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers,
“Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!'”
Conception - the mothers explanation;
A little girl asked her mother, "Mummy, how was I born?"
Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we had sex without protection.”
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844 Posts
Me and the missus went to the pub last night. A woman got her nipple pierced right in front of us. She was OK afterwards but I've gotta practice my darts game more.
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844 Posts
The inventor of "predictive "texting just died. His funnel is tomato.
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