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A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

"Does she still have the hiccups?"

Paul
 

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Stonic 1st Edition
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(Cleaned up to avoid woke stereotype objections.)

A person was driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.
They see a little bar up the way and pull into the parking lot.
When they get inside, they find the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, people are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

They scan the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, they spot a small stairway and scramble up.

When they get to the top, they discover that all the doors are locked. All but one. When they open the door, all they see is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, they drop their pants and dump the biggest load they have ever had right there in the hole.

Relieved, they calmly walk down the stairs. The once crowded bar is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

"What happened!?!" says the person.

The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"......
 

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Picanto 1.0T GDi GT-Line
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This morning I was trying to find other words contained in the word 'Astonishing' but could find nothing

Actually, has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?
It doesn't work but it stops them squeaking

Also this morning, I was thinking at any time, the temptation to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is never more than a whim away

"Don’t all shout out, but what is the opposite of in?"
 

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A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said 'I've always wanted to have sex with a little person'
The dwarf replied I'm sorry, but I've had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up.!
It's ok, said the woman, my husband is working away until next week. So, against his better judgment he goes back with the woman.
They start having amazing sex, when suddenly the front door opens.
Shit, it's my husband! she said. Quick, hang out of the bedroom window and when he goes for a shower, you can climb in and get away!
So the dwarf climbs out of the window and hangs on the ledge by his fingertips.
The husband comes in the bedroom, says It's cold in here, slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
The woman is distraught and calls an ambulance. A couple of days later she goes to visit the dwarf in hospital.
How are you? she asked.
Well, my fingers are broken, I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip and severe concussion, he said.
Oh dear! she said. Still, it could have been worse ,much worse.! How do you figure that out ? said the dwarf.
Well, she said, you're lucky that I live in a bungalow!
 

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Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.

The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."

The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"

The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they accidentally cut off my finger."

Hearing this, the second one started crying.

The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"

Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test".
 
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