[Radiorail]

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behaviour. So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:

“Is Crimea ours?”

“Yes, it is.”​

"And the Donbas?”

“Also ours.”​

“And Kyiv?”

“We got that too.”​

Satisfied, Putin finishes his drink, and asks: “Thanks, how much do I owe you?”

“Five Euros please.”

 

[Radiorail]

President Putin and his driver were on their way to the Donbas region in his armoured car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

Thinking that a kindly approach may be good for propaganda purposes Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and offer them 5 rubles in compensation. About one hour later Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Putin.

"Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box of cigars and their 19-year-old and 21-year-old daughters made mad passionate love to me simultaneously.

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Putin.

The driver replies, "I'm president Putin’s driver, and I just killed the pig."

 

[toonmal]

I just saw someone try to park a car for 10 minutes.

I didn't see their face, so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.

 

[D18]

 

[Lancelot1937]

There's only three types of people in this world.
Those that can count, and those that can't.

 

[OldJohn]

There are 10 types of people in the world.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[Radiorail]

I just passed a tow truck and the poor driver was crying his eyes out.

I thought "He's headed for another breakdown"

 

[toonmal]

People think being a waiter isn't a respectable job.

But, hey, it puts food on the table.

 

[Radiorail]

 

[Crickleymal]

 

[toonmal]

Want to get your Dad something different for Father's day next month?