Kia Owners Club Forum banner
7021 - 7040 of 7079 Posts

·
Registered
Stonic 1st Edition
Joined
·
1,222 Posts
A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies “My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man”

“Well I'll be darned” the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. “I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
 

·
Registered
Stonic 1st Edition
Joined
·
1,222 Posts
A police officer turned up at my door this morning:

“Do the letters TG mean anything to you?” He said.​
“No.” I said.
“What about RP?”​
“No, means nothing to me.” I said.
“How about AH?” He asked.​
“Look,” I said “am I suspected of something?”
“No sir.” He replied “We are are just conducting initial enquiries.”​
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
7,657 Posts
Well, what a relief!! At long last, I’ve finally had some good luck for a change!

I saw a fortune-teller recently who told me to beware of a stranger who will try and take me for a
mug and con me out of a large cash sum during the next 3 weeks.

Well, I’ve been careful and the 3 weeks is up today, and brilliant!.. nothing’s happened!!

Best £500 quid I’ve ever spent!
 

·
Registered
Picanto 1.0T GDi GT-Line
Joined
·
1,289 Posts
I saw a Scottish man carrying an enormous colander.
He said “It’s massive...”

Buckets on ropes? They go down well.

I’ve just got a paper cut from a risk assessment form.

My stoner flatmate is a lot like my cat in that they both secretly have weed all over the house.

I’m thinking of buying a Harley to recapture my lost youth, as there’s no way he’ll be able to outrun a motorbike.

I was going to do a joke about the difference between cats and dogs but I think it’s a bit two petty.

I met the customs officer who claims he invented the cavity search or at least had a hand in it.

My wife gave me an obstacle course for my birthday and I still haven’t got over it.

I used to work on the returns desk for Ann Summers but the people there gave me bad vibes.

I told my friend that on the way back from the gym I was abducted by aliens and met Elvis. He said that’s bullshit, you’ve never been to the gym.
 
7021 - 7040 of 7079 Posts
Top