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A man walks into a bar...

then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says “you’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?”

The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who pissed in your sax!”
 

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From an Australian friend;

A mate of mine has won two tickets for the 2021 AFL grand final between Melbourne and Western Bulldogs in Perth next Saturday, the 25th September. The tickets include box seats plus airfares, penthouse accommodation, all food and grog supplied and $1000.00 for any other expenses.

When he won the tickets his Wedding date had not been set. He now finds out the only date available at the church for the wedding is on the same day as the Grand Final, so he can't go.

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Carthage’s Cathedral at 5 PM on Saturday 25th September. She's a fairly nice looking woman, about 5'5", clean, cute, great body and her name is Sally. She will be the one in the White Dress.
 

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A man was driving along the M1 doing 100mph in his E type hard top, when he noticed a guy on a motorcycle alongside his window.
The motorcyclist was stood one legged on his seat with an unlit cigarette in his hand and started to tap on his window. So he wound his window down and said what do you want?
The motorcyclist, wobbling a bit on one leg due to his speed, motioned to the cigarette and said “have you got a light?” The Jag driver said “are you stupid? you’ll kill yourself!
“No I won’t” said the motorcyclist, “I only smoke two a day”.

I’ll get me coat. 😜
 
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