A woman playing golf hit a man standing nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell to the ground and rolled about in agony. She rushed over to him and offered to relieve his pain as she was a doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away, unzipped his trousers, put her hands inside and massaged him tenderly for a few minutes and asked "how does that feel"? He said "that feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken".
There was an elderly southern widow who lived in a large mansion. She was feeling generous when it came to Thanksgiving, so she called up the local military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant.
"Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on Thanksgiving, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no Jews."
The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your kindness."
Well, Thanksgiving rolled around, and the widow went to answer the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four of the blackest boys that anyone had ever seen, especially in the South.
"But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered.
One of them replied, "No ma'am, Lieutenant Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."
On the back of this. Watching Police Interceptors the other day & they were targeting lorry thefts.
Pulled up one stolen lorry with 5 guys in in. All wearing High Vis vests..
One comment a officer made was "Well we have you nailed for going equipped to steel" as they were wearing the vests 😂
God Said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me…"
Adam Said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God Said, "Go down Into that Valley."
Adam said, "What's A valley?"
God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the River."
Adam said, "What's a River?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the Hill....."
Adam said, "What is a Hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On
The Other side of the Hill you will find a Cave."
Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'
After God explained, He Said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a Woman?'So God explained That to him, too. Then, God said, 'I Want you To Reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do That?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down Into The valley, Across the river, and
Over the hill, Into the Cave, and finds the Woman.
Then, in five minutes, he was back.
God, His patience wearing thin, said Angrily, "What is It Now?"