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Anyone know at what time the pandemic is ending on Monday?
 

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A nun was waiting for a bus and noticed a scale that would give your weight and fortune. Having some time to spare, she decided to stand on the scale, deposit a penny, and see what happens.

After doing so a card popped out that said "You are a nun, age 42, and weigh 126 pounds. You are waiting for a bus and when you step off the scale you will let a little toot". It was all accurate, and sure enough when she stepped of the scale she let out a little toot.

To be sure, she tried again. This time the card read "You are a nun, age 42, and weigh 126 pounds. You are waiting for a bus and when you step off the scale you will break wind". Again it was all accurate, and sure enough when she stepped of the scale she broke wind.

Now curiosity was getting the better of her and she tried a third time. This time the card read "You are a nun, age 42, and weigh 126 pounds. You are waiting for a bus and when you step off the scale you will pass gas"". Again it was all accurate, and sure enough when she stepped of the scale she passed gas.

Having one more penny, she tried one last time to see if would be wrong. This time the card read "You are a nun, age 42, and weigh 126 pounds. While you have been farting around you missed your bus."
 

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Our local garage has put up the price of the tyre inflation machine from 50p to £1.00.

When I complained they said it was due to inflation.
 

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On Holiday and passing through Germany we took a boat ride on the river Rhine. Having a drink at the bar I saw Glen Campbell slumped drunk in a corner..

I thought to myself "That's a Rhine Stoned Cowboy"
 
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