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My wife and I came out of the supermarket and we saw a policeman stood beside a car and just getting his ticket pad out.

I said “what do you think you are doing, the meter is just a minute or so over"

He said “Does not matter it is clearly over”.

I replied “Come on you bloody jobsworth, a minute is nothing at all.

Reply was “The law is the law”.

I was annoyed and told him “You would look nice in Jackboots in a German concentration camp starving people to death Adolph”.

He replied “If you are going to be like that, I’ll look at this motor again as I may have to add more details on my report”

By now I was boiling and about to bring this pillock down to earth. “I bet your Mother would disown if she knew what you have become or maybe you did not have parents because I have never come across a bigger Bastard than you Adolf.

He ignored me but was now inspecting the tyres and making notes. He then said “I believe you could be in serious trouble sir, 3 of these tyres are nearly bald, there is a broken rear light, the exhaust is in a dangerous condition and your road tax expired 6 months ago, so what do you have to say about that”

Just then a Bus pulled up and I said to the Wife, "Come on love I’m wasting my time with this idiot and did my best for the owner, this is our bus, let’s get on quick, it looks like it’s about to rain"
 

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A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

The doctor replied 'Denephew.'
 
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