Paddy had been stepping out with Mary O Reilly for nearly a year and the pair of them were head over heels in love.
One day Paddy was walking up the high street and he got talking to Mary's brother "There's something I have to tell ye Cormac, yer sister is a smashing girl I don't tink I'd foind better anywhere. I've a mind to ask her to marry me this weekend!"
Cormac looked surprised and replied "OK Paddy but have ye seen me father?"
Paddy answered "I have Cormac and he's a fine figure of a man but if it's all the same I'd rather Mary!"
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'This is the Taxation Department. Can you help us?'