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Firstly I want to thank everyone for explaining the meaning of the word ‘many’ to me. It means a lot



Thinking out loud, its so annoying I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I can’t remember the punchline.



Then I thought I need to chase this up, I rang up the local take away the other day and asked 'do you deliver?' the bloke said 'no, we do chicken, beef and fish’



Health wise, I am good although I remember earlier this year I caught a cold on the carousel.

Mind you I think there was something going round



Finally with Liverpool close to the title, it reminded me, The Magnificent Seven were invited to appear in a lucrative series of adverts for aftershave, filmed in Liverpool, but only six of them did. Yul never wore cologne.
 

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What goes dot-dot-dot-croak? A morse toad.

What do you call an ass with three legs? A wonky donkey.

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie-talkie.

What does a skeleton order for dinner at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
 

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Don't Mind Pinching Your Jokes Alan!

I’m not normally one for the conspiracy theories, but there's a new conspiracy documentary on BBC2 about Covid.

Two scientists from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared.

Seems they were the people behind the development of the new strain and intending to use it as a weapon.

Someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane.

However - the plan was a disaster because neither of them got on the flight.

Have a look at the programme it's really interesting, it's called “Two Wongs Don't Make a Flight”.

7175
 

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The old fella was in a long McDonald's drive-through queue this morning and the young lady behind him started blasting her horn because he was taking too long to place his order.

"Take the high road” he thought to himself. So when he eventually got to the first window, he paid for her order along with his own.

The cashier must have told her what he'd done because as they moved up she leaned out of her window and waved to him mouthing "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that he had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When he got to the second window he showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

The moral of the story : Don't honk your horn at old people.
 

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Roger - known to his friends as as Randy Roger - went to the doctors complaining of a sore todger.

The doctor told him to stop masturbating

"Why" says Roger "It aint illegal"

"I am well aware of its legality" said the doctor "But it's making it impossible to examine you"
 

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What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.

What happened when the wheel was invented? It caused a revolution.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
(Probably because you’re Italian!)

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe.
 

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The doorbell went last night so I answered it and 10 foot tall cockroach punched me in the

face and broke my nose.


I went to the doctors the next day and told him what

had happened and he told me that there was a nasty

bug going around.

Paul
 

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A small boy named Dave lived in the local village.

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "Dave… you are driving me crazy!!!!!"

One day Dave’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing.

The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career!!!!

The mother was shocked at this feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an acute cardio disease!

All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open-heart operation, of which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher finally decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she eventually opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a tall handsome Doctor smiling down at her!

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The Doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong.

When he turned round he saw Dave, working as a cleaner in the Hospital Ward, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Vacuum!!!!!

Don't tell me you thought that Dave became a doctor!
 

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What do an iPhone charger and a drinks carton have in common? They both contain Apple juice.

I got some vinegar in my ear. Now I’ve got pickled hearing!

Why were two flies playing football in a saucer? They were practising for the cup.

I’m getting married to a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I could see myself doing.
 
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