I feel bad about posting these but I reckon you lot can take them.....
My mate Pete told me that he was walking past a pet shop in the area when he saw a sign that read,
"Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale."
Pete didn’t believe they were from the Netherlands so he phoned the shop and asked the assistant...............................
“How Dutch is that moggie in the window?”
I was going to post a pun about carpentry, but I don't think it wood work.
Black Beauty? Now there's a dark horse!
I need to cure my constant sightings of ghosts so I’m going into hospital for an apparition.
Very early on in my exercise walk I saw 3 guys walking their dogs and I asked for their names. They were Mr Pecan, Mr Pistachio and Mr Cashew. I said 'What are you, nuts?'
Finally: My eldest daughter told me she needs my help getting over her addiction to ABBA music. I said “Does your mother know?’