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The dogs were having a party
They came from near and far
Some flew in by aeroplane
And some drove in by car
They went into the lobby
And signed the visitors´ book
And each one hung his arsehole
Upon a separate hook

One dog was not invited
And this aroused his ire
He burst into the meeting place
And loudly shouted, ´Fire!´
Now the dogs were so excited
They had no time to look
And each one took an arsehole
From off the nearest hook

It is a sad sad story
For it is very sore
To wear another´s arsehole
You´ve never worn before
And that is why when dogs meet
By land or sea or foam
Each sniffs the other´s arsehole
In hope it is its own.
 

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821 Posts
Good news. I heard Subway are hiring workers late summer.

There's 1000's of rolls to fill.



Yesterday on my exercise walk I found a box of fish fingers in the street.

Oh well, Findus keepers.



I saw Bonnie Tyler 2 metres away yesterday . She said "Let's go for a coffee."

I said "Starbucks" she said "No."

I said "Costa" she said "No."

I think she was holding out for a Nero.(Need to tell her its closed).


Finally: My friend today went to the Doctor's and said' I can only breathe through one nostril. I think it’s because of either an allergy to the excellent herbs I bought or a plug of semi-dried mucus.'

The Doctor replied: 'Don't blame it on the good thyme , blame it on the bogie'






Finally, thinking back I'm still a member of Constipation Club but I haven't been for ages.....
 

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Sadly an American vicar has recently died after injecting himself with disinfectant in an attempt to cure his Coronavirus.
As a result of the death President Trump as been arrested and is being charged with Bleach of a Priest
 

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I said to my daughter I'm doing no more toilet jokes. I've been telling them for years but I've finally grown up.

I just needed to get them all out of my cistern



My friend told me over the phone he is going to open a chain of opticians all across Europe. I said 'Franchise'
He replied 'French eyes, English eyes, I don't care'



Annoyingly, I've just bent down to pick up my sieve. I think I've strained myself!

As i suspected, looking out my kitchen window someone is adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens..

Finally I saw a picture in the paper of a Partridge, a Grouse and a Pheasant all together dressed as clowns. I thought 'Game for a laugh'
 

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A bus load of blind people were on a day trip and the bus driver starts getting tired.

He says to the blind people, "I'm pretty knackered. I'm going to stop at the next pub for a bite to eat and a drink, what are you all going to do?"

One of them replies, "No worries, we'll have a little game of football." "Football?!" The driver cries, "But you're all blind!"

The blind guy says "No, it's simple. We strap bells to the ball and then we can hear where it goes and we can have a kick about" And with that, the bus driver pulls into a pub, has a bite to eat and a drink.

When he comes out, there are paramedics and ambulances and police cars everywhere. The bus driver says, "What the hell has been going on here?"

One of the policemen turns around and shouts, "You would never would have guessed it!! A bus load of blind people jump out and kicked the living daylights out of these Morris dancers!
 

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What did the baby sardine say when he saw a submarine? Look, Mum — a tin of people!

What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

Why did the alien wear a bulletproof vest? Because of the shooting stars.

What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? ‘Look Grandpa, no hands!’

What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws? He was given two consecutive sentences.
 
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