A married couple are lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, "Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married, I was a hooker for eight years."
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says "My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit!"
She said "I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played for Hull Kingston Rovers."
Boris Johnson decided to visit a remote Welsh village on his election trail. Surrounded by press and TV crew he asked a local in the street what were the important things that the village needed.
"We have 2 urgent needs sir,” replied the villager. “Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”
Boris stopped the man at that point whipped out his cellphone, and after barking into the phone the urgent need for a doctor and saying "just make it happen" he reassured the villager that a doctor would be there the next day.
"Now what was the second thing" Boris asked
“Secondly sir, we need cellphone coverage, currently there no coverage anywhere in the village.”