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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NickR Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2017 at 8:54pm
Originally posted by Oldsalt Oldsalt wrote:

Pulled by the wrong kind of bird!!

http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/seagull-testicle/



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2017 at 8:23pm

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde Irish stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says Do Not Disturb!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2017 at 8:25pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Aug 2017 at 8:27pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2017 at 10:52pm
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze sculpture of a lawyer."

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2017 at 10:55pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Aug 2017 at 10:57pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AlanHo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2017 at 12:21pm
As we SilverSurfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.

Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Georgie grinned ..'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

I used to like Georgie, the little sh*thead.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote georgewn.1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2017 at 12:37pm
I dont get it so I wrote it down and still dont get it.
Is there any hope for me ?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Trevorh Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Aug 2017 at 3:12pm
And your name's George too - your supposed to be the expert!
Hint: ten = 10
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